Advice

As the first in my family to attend a four year institution in the US, what advice would I give my sisters? What can I say to other low-income, high achieving students? What have been the most challenges parts of college that I haven’t discussed?

I am at Trinity as a Quest Scholar. I am a low-income student who was matched to Trinity through Questbridge. Both my parents were educated in the Congo so we didn’t really understand the American system. I got help from guidance counselors and teachers during high school for college, but I knew that money was the determining factor in where I ended up. I am forever grateful to Trinity College for the opportunities it provided me. I have the privilege of attending college. It’s not something everyone gets to do. I was given the tools to accomplish what I did. This is my background. This is where I am speaking from.

Advice:

• Do your research. Go on a college tour if possible. If you cannot make it, do research online. Look through the academic programs offered, the study abroad opportunities and pay attention to the students and the social environment. The social scene is a lot more important in college because you are living on campus and interacting with people. When they talk about perfect fit, it’s about the academics and social coming together to create a place where you are going to learn, but you are also going to interact with others in a healthy, positive manner.
• Remember that you have options.  I remember getting my PSAT scores and realizing that I didn’t test well and thinking that I wouldn’t get into the schools I was considering. My friend had to remind me that I wasn’t defined by this test score. This came from the fear that I had the grades for college, but I didn’t have the money. Questbridge is one opportunity. At Trinity, there are Posse Scholars. At Stanford, families that don’t make a certain amount don’t pay for tuition. Financial aid is calculated differently at each school making it possible for students like me to attend a small liberal arts college. Even with the Questbridge program, there are 30 some partner schools meaning that I had options of schools that offered different programs and student bodies. It was a matter of me doing research and listing schools that I would consider the perfect fit.
• I was told multiple times when I was applying and starting college that these were going to be the best four years of my life. I am here to report that these were not the best four years of my life. I didn’t appreciate the American college experience which emphasizes alcohol and partying every weekend. I still can’t understand why someone would drink to the point where they would need to be hospitalized. I had a difficult time adjusting to an environment where diversity doesn’t necessarily translate into interactions between people of different groups. My senior year, I ended up in an apartment where the first two floors were leased to a fraternity and every weekend was a party. We didn’t know it was a fraternity when we signed the lease. When we spoke out against these conditions, we were told to stop complaining. For some students, these are the best four years of their lives and that’s fine. For others, the college years aren’t the best four years of their lives and it’s important to realize that there’s so much more.
• Remember why you went to college in the first place and get things done. Going to college and being away from parents can provide the freedom to do whatever you want. It’s also easy to get caught in stuff you didn’t imagine getting into. As a low-income and immigrant student, messing around was never an option. Starting a career is about giving back to my parents and the people who sacrificed everything to make it possible for me to be here today. If this is you, know that there are other students in similar situations.
• Even as you are working hard, don’t forget to relax and take a break. People accuse me of working too hard, but what they don’t realize that in these four years, I have taken time for social events as well as the academics. On the weekends, I made sure to play a squash match or see a play or visit something in Hartford. I wasn’t necessarily partying like a crazy person, but this didn’t mean that I was doing homework all weekend. Take advantage of clubs and organizations that a college has.
• Time management is a process. It’s something I worked at every semester. Figure out how much time goes for work, courses, extracurricular activities, etc. Don’t forget time to relax and take a break.
• Rooming with your friends may not be the best idea. Articles suggest that being friends with people doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be the best roommates.
• Do internships. If you are able to do so during the school year, go for it. If not, use the summers. It will definitely help you out when it comes to work experience.
• Study abroad. If this means visiting the study away office your first year to learn about the options, I recommend it. For me, it was about the planning and making sure that courses would transfer. Studying abroad allowed me to take great courses, improve my French, conduct research and live in fantastic cities. I got into discussions and arguments with local people about immigration, polygamy, American politics, and everything else. I accomplished all of this as a student and because of the financial aid I received. These experiences were some of the best experiences of my college years.
• Lastly, I would like to remind my sisters to be strong and to stand up for themselves. It’s also important that they know who they are. What I realized after my year abroad is that people love to categorize others and they are quick to label everything. Being a Congolese-American studying abroad was difficult for people to handle because they had expectations of what it meant to be American. Being Black wasn’t part of this equation. I am not simply defined by my race, gender, nationality or socio-economic status.  It’s me who sets my own limits and decides what’s worth fighting for. This is a valuable lesson I pass on to my sisters.

Photo: Along the corniche in Dakar